MY JOB ALMOST KILLED ME

It was early morning on November 9, 2021 while sitting in front of my computer contemplating what I was getting ready to type, my mind went back, back to the day my life transformed into something I never imagined……..

“Toi, your interview is today at 10am in the community center, be ready” said my manager at the time. I hung up the phone in utter disbelief because no one said I would be interviewing today, I was dressed in my red and black lumberjack oversized shirt, construction boots, jeans, and my favorite overly used black cap(not your power interview attire at all). Our management company was being bought out and the new company was interviewing to see who would stay. I was the activities director and loved serving the community in which I worked for however there were people who didn’t want to see me succeed no matter what. I took this as an opportunity to bring everything I got and ace this important meeting. I met with two vice presidents and a regional manager of the company with my PowerPoint, vision, and goals for the community, I owned the interview and ended with” any questions gentlemen”?

Needless to say I got the job and was able to stay on board. Let’s fast forward to October 2021. In mid October I took a solo trip to Iceland to get away from my tailspin of a life. I had been promoted to positions I was not trained for but by the grace of God I mastered each one. I was mentally, emotionally spiritually spent working on average 10 hours a day 6 days a week for almost 3 years with no real break and I needed the time off. My trip to Iceland gave me the clarity I needed and I decided to leave my job and begin my journey as a writer/publisher/community activist all at the same time. My job almost killed me because I had become emersed in helping people who didn’t want to help themselves. I seemed to be fighting a battle for what was right among people who couldn’t care less.

I was feeling as if I could have died any day and it wasn’t a place I wanted to be in. About two years ago I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and borderline suicidal but no one could even tell. I was trapped and didn’t know how to get out.

With tears flowing down my eyes like Niagra Falls I typed my resignation letter. I was grateful and disappointed at the same time but it had to be done. I had to take a stand for myself and literally take back my life.

That season of my life was over and I survived. I will never give more to a job, a person or a cause more than I give myself. This past season of my life taught me that in a big way. If I’m messed up, screwed up, and jacked up how in the hamfat can I help someone else.

Today I am at peace with my life and it’s a good thing. No matter where you find yourself in life never lose who you are and make sure if you do, take time to find yourself again.

Much love,

Black Mama