TBH(to be honest), GIVING UP WAS AN OPTION

May 2019 was a month of highs, lows, and deep dark pits. I experienced the joy of seeing my only girl graduate from college. She did it yal! My baby girl is degreed! Seeing her walk across that stage left me feeling so proud and honored to be her mom. The best part was the fact that I was genuinely happy for US. We’ve had our share of hurts and disagreements but God in His love for us, allowed me to walk in forgiveness to keep our relationship strong. The journey continues and I’m grateful for the experience.

May also held a pain that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time, the pain of grief. My god daddy was shot and died from his injuries. He passed away five days after I went to see him in the hospital. The pain was so deep, it made me numb. Terrible thing about being numb is the fact that you don’t feel and you’re unable to process the depth of your pain. I was asked to say something at his funeral and by God’s strength, I didn’t break down. However, the Sunday after his funeral in church, I cried and cried and cried and cried. I would cry for days off and on. The pain came to a head!

Last month showed me, that I could possibly love again and I was open to the idea, however I learned that my heart needed to be guarded better. I had started to genuinely like this guy etc etc but he made the fatal mistake and lied about something so minor for really no reason at all. If you lie a bit small things you’ll eventually lie about something bigger. I was like, “What the hell!” It stung and wouldn’t have been so bad had I not been dealing with so much on top of that.

In May, I was also invited to attend an event in Louisiana in honor of my late biological father, James Potts. He was the first African American student to attend Louisiana Tech University and I received the Pioneer Award in his honor. The last time I was in Louisiana, I was attending his funeral.

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I WAS IN A STRUGGLE FOR MY LIFE

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TBH…… I felt suffocated.

TBH….. I cried uncontrollably for many days.

TBH….. I felt like I was going to crash and burn.

TBH….. I WAS READY TO GIVE UP ON LIFE, FOR REAL!!

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BUT GOD

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God allowed me to curl up in His lap day in and day out. God held me real close to Him throughout last month. The word of God would come into my mind and remind me of His unfailing love for me. If I didn’t have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, tbh I would be dead.

May was a dark month with flickers of light and I thank God for it. The month of May strengthened me for the fight. May is over and it’s time to celebrate! My birthday is June 4th and I have a butt load to be thankful for. I have another opportunity to give hope to my readers. I’m able to honestly say, don’t give up, brighter days are waiting on you.

Today is a great day because we’re in it!

Much love,

Beautiful Black Cat

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