Life has a way of showing you what’s on the inside of you when you least expect it. I just recently had a phone conversation with a dear friend about a challenge and found out something about myself. The word “dogmatic” had been used to describe my actions by two different people and I asked myself, why? Time to look in the mirror folks. I took a loooong look at myself to see if what I heard was really true. I asked myself, “Is this a part of your personality or just someone’s perception”?
The truth was, it is and I need to address it. It’s never my intention to be rude or hurt anyone however I see that there is a deeper issue going on inside the person standing in the mirror. I am VERY guarded which doesn’t leave much room for grace sometimes. I decided to head down memory lane to see when my heart changed……. It seemed like yesterday. Let’s take a journey, shall we……
Growing up I was this sweet, peaceful little girl who loved everyone and never met a stranger but life happens. As I grew up the loving, open, honest heart had become broken, misunderstood, and taken advantage of numerous times. Because of this, a wall began to form around my heart made of solid concrete. When I would just be me, my actions would be questioned and scrutinized so much that I would just exist and do my best to “fit in”. I have become dogmatic because of the emotional scars that have not fully healed yet.
Emotional scars of being misunderstood.
Emotional scars of being an outcast because you’re not like everyone else.
Emotional scars of forgiving over and over and over again while others continue to not forgive me.
My heart was wounded so much that I felt like protecting it at all costs, even from the one who could heal it. Today I give my heart to the GREAT PHYSICIAN JESUS CHRIST who can be trusted to bind the wounds and heal my heart. I am a very loving person and a nurturer at best however because of past situations I have become unintentionally guarded. Even though I love, it’s only to a point. Even though I give of myself, it’s not completely. Today I chose to be who I was created to be an let my guard down. By letting it down I mean, to trust God for people and let the chips fall where they may.
Hello, world……
I am excited as soon as I open my eyes.
No apologies.
I love everyone.
No apologies.
I am as real as they come.
No apologies.
I forgive often.
No apologies.
I laugh at myself often.
No apologies.
I am who GOD created me to be.
NO APOLOGIES.
Much love,
Beautiful Black Cat
p.s. Follow me on Twitter @toi_potts
Black Mama Chronicles 